Direct Answers from Wayne and Tamara

Prying Eyes

Okay, so I’m going to be 25 this summer, and I have lots of best friends.  One of them is 35.  She’s so cool and is super easy to talk to about crushes and stuff.  The problem is I know her dad’s side of the family really well, but I don’t know much about her mom’s side.

She wasn’t that close to her mom till she had her baby, and now she has gone back to not mentioning her mom much.  For some reason my friend doesn’t like her stepdad.  She never mentions him ever.  For the longest time I didn’t even know their names, and I only met them once.

You’re probably thinking I could just ask her.  You see, though, most of this I only know from her grandma who is like a grandma to me.  That’s  how we met.  Her parents divorced when she was seven, and she lived with her dad growing up.  I know it’s none of my business, but it would be nice if she could trust me with it.

My friend lives a couple of hours away, so I don’t see much of her.  I don’t feel like asking her grandma.  I shouldn’t let it bother me, but I have so many questions and I don’t want to make her feel uncomfortable by asking.

Joni

Joni, we live in a world where you can go online and find a satellite picture of any stranger’s house, peek at their legal records, or hire a private investigator to ferret out their personal information.  Those activities aren’t driven by altruism, but by baser motives.

So the first question you might ask yourself is, why do I want to know?  Your friend isn?t suicidal, on the edge, or depressed.  Just the reverse.  Her life is in order.  Why do you need to know more about her background than she has already shared?

Many people consider family to encompass everyone they are related to, biologically or through marriage.  For others, however, family is the emotional network they were raised in.  That seems to be your friends view.  One thing is clear: you don’t have a true need to know, and a sure way to lose a friendship is by being snoopy and overstepping bounds.

There is something creepy about the employee who wants a key to the business the second day on the job, and some of the most frightening movies, like Single White Female and The Talented Mr. Ripley, aren’t about chainsaw massacres.  They are about a person who tries to invade a life.

We say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, but we don’t acknowledge that people who try to learn too much about us trigger our fears.  We fear sharks because they can eat our body, but those who try to get too close may make us feel they are consuming our soul.

The historian Felipe Fernandez-Armesto has suggested the earliest human idea?an idea far older than the first written records?is cannibalism.  That sounds shocking, but he explains that our ancestors around the world rarely practiced cannibalism for nourishment.  Rather they did it in a ritual fashion to take on the prowess of those they admired or regarded highly.

If he is correct, then the idea of incorporating into ourselves as much as we can about a respected person is deep within us.   Perhaps that is why advertisers use Tiger Woods or David Beckham to get us to purchase products.   Paparazzi try to steal images of famous people, and tabloids dig up dirt on them.  When tabloids cannot find dirt, they make the dirt up.

We don?t think that describes you, but neither do we see a reason for you to look into your friend’s background.  Friendship is not something to tamper with.  Her example as a person and the warmth of her light should be enough for any true friend.

Wayne & Tamara

Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com.

Send letters to: Direct Answers,  PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com .

I no , eloping doesn’t exactly fit in with “wedding planning”, buy I decided to put it here  anyway . Me and my husband decided to elope and we have never regretted it.

Years ago, eloping was rare.  Couples who did elope usually did so because the union was against their parents’ wishes, or because they decided to get married on the spur of the moment.  But today, many couples who would be expected to have a traditional wedding are opting to elope.

Eloping is still somewhat misunderstood.  Here are a few reasons why couples might choose to elope:

* To save money - Traditional weddings tend to be very expensive.  Even the simplest wedding with a hundred or so guests can run up a bill in the thousands.  Eloping, on the other hand, costs much less.

There are travel expenses involved with eloping, but couples who elope often spend their honeymoon in the same place as where they wed.  Many wedding destinations offer wedding packages in which accommodation, the ceremony, meals, and perhaps even the travel are included in one price.  So when compared to the average wedding ceremony, eloping is a much more economical option.

* Because they don’t want a big wedding - For those who have been married before, a large wedding may be the last thing they want.  Even those who are getting married for the first time may not like the idea of saying their vows in a church full of people.  By eloping, they don’t have to.

* To avoid stress - Planning a wedding can be an extremely stressful thing.  You have to secure locations for the ceremony and reception, decide on decorations and attire, write a guest list, and much more.  Even with a wedding planner, there are lots of decisions to be made.

Eloping is much less complicated.  When you don’t have a lot of guests, there is no pressure to pull out all the stops.  Your wedding can be what you want it to be, not what everyone else expects it to be.

* Because it’s romantic - Some couples dream of getting married at a beautiful location, with no one but the two of them and an officiant witnessing their commitment to one another.  There is an air of romance associated with eloping, and for some couples that is precisely what attracts them to it.

Keep in mind that just because you’re eloping, doesn’t mean that you can’t have any wedding guests.  More and more couples are running off to get married and inviting close friends and family to come along with them.  This is known as a destination wedding, and it offers all of the convenience and fun of eloping with friends and family to share it with you.  Many resorts offer packages for destination weddings as well.  So the couple can pick up the tab for that, and all the guests will have to pay for is their travel.

Eloping is no longer something that you do because you have to.  It is a legitimate option for those who aren’t interested in all the trappings of a traditional wedding.  Eloping is less expensive and less stressful than planning a large wedding, allowing the couple to concentrate on their love for each other.

Summer time means dragging out your bathing suit and showing some skin. It also means it’s time to concentrate, more on your bikini area when you shave. The bikini area is the most sensitive area when it comes to shaving. Some people prefer to get the area waxed, however most women would rather take care of it with shaving. Although it may seem easy to maintain your bikini area, there is nothing worse than getting bikini burn from shaving. Most of the time bikini burn occurs when important shaving steps are skipped. To get a smooth and pain free shave, try these great tips when shaving your bikini area. Preparing your skin for shaving is one of the most precious things you can do for your skin. If you prefer to shave in the mornings, try lathering the bikini area with a deep moisturizing lotion the night before. This will help soften the hairs while you sleep. When you wake up in the morning, the hairs will be much easier to shave. Once you get into the shower or bath, don’t let shaving be the first task on your list. Go ahead and wash your body and hair before picking up the razor. If you allow the bikini area hair to soften with the water and heat, then you will get better results. If you are in a hurry and can’t wait to shave, consider putting hair conditioner on the area for at least two minutes before you begin shaving. This will give the area a bit of moisture. Choosing the proper razor is the key to a good shave. Some women prefer the do-it-yourself method as opposed to an electric razor for the area. It is also a good idea to go over the area with trimmers if it has been a while since you shaved the area. This will allow you to get a smoother shave. Make sure your razor is clean and sharp. You will most likely get bikini burn if you shave with a dull razor. Razor companies are now making small disposable razors made specifically for the bikini area, so pick up a few to try out. When you are ready to shave, make sure you have a shaving agent on hand. Don’t use soap when shaving your bikini area, as it will dry the area out and leave you with a rash. Try using sensitive skin shaving gel or cream for bikini area shaving. If you are curious about which type to get, try using your man’s cream. It contains basically the same ingredients a female shaving cream would contain, although it may offer a manly scent. Female versions tend to offer a clean scent, while many male shaving creams offer a musk scent. There are also specific products you can use for the bikini area. They specify their specific use on the bottle and are made for sensitive areas. These sensitive shaving agents are a perfect way to prevent bikini burn. What you do to your skin after shaving your bikini area is extremely important. Immediately after getting out of the shower or bath, you must moisturize the area. If you have sensitive skin, try an unscented lotion. You can also use baby powder or baby oil if you tend to break out from using lotions on shaved areas. Try not to go into a pool or the ocean for a few hours after you shave. This will allow the area to heal before you expose it to salty water or chemicals. If you must go in the water, be sure to moisturize after you get out. If you already have bikini burn then you know how annoying it can get. There is not much you can do for bikini burn. You really must simply let it heal on its own. Do not shave the area however until the rash is gone. You can also buy over-the-counter chafing lotions that will help heal the area. Wear loose clothing and avoid the ocean or pool until it heals. If you shave your bikini area everyday, the area will become less sensitive to the shaving process and you will be less likely to get bikini burn. Don’t ever shave more than once a day, but try to shave at least every other day. You can skip shaving your bikini area in the winter months if you like, but be sure to start back again before bathing suit weather so you can get any initial irritation out of the way.