Parents around the world have “worn” their babies in various types of hand made slings for many years.  Today we use the term “babywearing” to describe a way of carrying or transporting our children that creates a positive experience for the parent and the child.

A stroller transports a baby from point A to point B.  But “babywearing” is more than a transport method.  It’s a beautifully creative way to meet the functional needs of daily life while serving the more emotional and developmental needs of baby and parents.  Babywearing is a very natural and human way to introduce our children to the world and to nurture their confidence.

New parents are often counseled by well meaning friends not to hold or pick up an infant too much for fear of spoiling him. So when the baby isn’t being fed, bathed or played with, he is “put down” to sleep. If the baby doesn’t want to sleep he might cry or might simply stare wide eyed at whatever is available to grab his attention—likely a mobile or some corner of the ceiling.

On the other hand, parents who use baby slings carry their child around with them throughout various parts of their day.  The child’s sleeping schedule fits in with mom or dads mobility schedule!

Many claim that babywearing results in children who cry less.  This claim has been observed in other cultures throughout the world where women carry their children around in slings as they go about their daily work or routine.

Advocates believe babies worn in a sling learn more and learn faster.  Sling babies spend more time in a state of “quiet alertness.”  This is a behavioral state in which an infant is calm and content and more likely to have real and positive interaction with his environment.  So during these periods as a child listens to his mother speak or watches others as they speak and gesture towards his mother he is learning about language and movement and social behaviors.

Experts believe that brain growth and development is spurred by the environmental experiences made a available to an infant who is carried in his parent’s sling.  Sling positioning (across the chest, along the hip, facing in or out) allows infants to be closer to people.  With this kind of proximity babies can study facial expressions, develop language skills and learn body language much faster than they would positioned in a car seat, stroller or crib. 

Some contend that parenting abilities are enhanced through babywearing because the mother’s progesterone (mothering hormone) is increased through the constant and close physical contact with her child. More progesterone can help a mother to feel more positive, relaxed and happy caring for her child.
Breastfeeding is another activity that can be enhanced by babywearing.  The positioning of the baby in the sling can make breastfeeding more comfortable and accessible for babies and mothers.  Depending on their physiology, some mothers can nurse “hands-free” while doing activities in the home or outside.  Where breastfeeding is not possible, babywearing can help to encourage closeness during bottle feeding.

One of the best things about babywearing is that it brings parents and their children together in a way that enhances the parent/child relationship and the natural development of the child.

Direct Answers from Wayne and Tamara

Prying Eyes

Okay, so I’m going to be 25 this summer, and I have lots of best friends.  One of them is 35.  She’s so cool and is super easy to talk to about crushes and stuff.  The problem is I know her dad’s side of the family really well, but I don’t know much about her mom’s side.

She wasn’t that close to her mom till she had her baby, and now she has gone back to not mentioning her mom much.  For some reason my friend doesn’t like her stepdad.  She never mentions him ever.  For the longest time I didn’t even know their names, and I only met them once.

You’re probably thinking I could just ask her.  You see, though, most of this I only know from her grandma who is like a grandma to me.  That’s  how we met.  Her parents divorced when she was seven, and she lived with her dad growing up.  I know it’s none of my business, but it would be nice if she could trust me with it.

My friend lives a couple of hours away, so I don’t see much of her.  I don’t feel like asking her grandma.  I shouldn’t let it bother me, but I have so many questions and I don’t want to make her feel uncomfortable by asking.

Joni

Joni, we live in a world where you can go online and find a satellite picture of any stranger’s house, peek at their legal records, or hire a private investigator to ferret out their personal information.  Those activities aren’t driven by altruism, but by baser motives.

So the first question you might ask yourself is, why do I want to know?  Your friend isn?t suicidal, on the edge, or depressed.  Just the reverse.  Her life is in order.  Why do you need to know more about her background than she has already shared?

Many people consider family to encompass everyone they are related to, biologically or through marriage.  For others, however, family is the emotional network they were raised in.  That seems to be your friends view.  One thing is clear: you don’t have a true need to know, and a sure way to lose a friendship is by being snoopy and overstepping bounds.

There is something creepy about the employee who wants a key to the business the second day on the job, and some of the most frightening movies, like Single White Female and The Talented Mr. Ripley, aren’t about chainsaw massacres.  They are about a person who tries to invade a life.

We say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, but we don’t acknowledge that people who try to learn too much about us trigger our fears.  We fear sharks because they can eat our body, but those who try to get too close may make us feel they are consuming our soul.

The historian Felipe Fernandez-Armesto has suggested the earliest human idea?an idea far older than the first written records?is cannibalism.  That sounds shocking, but he explains that our ancestors around the world rarely practiced cannibalism for nourishment.  Rather they did it in a ritual fashion to take on the prowess of those they admired or regarded highly.

If he is correct, then the idea of incorporating into ourselves as much as we can about a respected person is deep within us.   Perhaps that is why advertisers use Tiger Woods or David Beckham to get us to purchase products.   Paparazzi try to steal images of famous people, and tabloids dig up dirt on them.  When tabloids cannot find dirt, they make the dirt up.

We don?t think that describes you, but neither do we see a reason for you to look into your friend’s background.  Friendship is not something to tamper with.  Her example as a person and the warmth of her light should be enough for any true friend.

Wayne & Tamara

Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com.

Send letters to: Direct Answers,  PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com .

Self-esteem is important for children.  A kid with good self-esteem is more likely to perform to his fullest potential in school, sports, and his community.  Healthy self-esteem makes us happier people, and helping our children develop it while they’re young will help them get the most out of life.

Part of building your child’s self-esteem is praising him or her  when he or she does well and encouraging him or her to keep trying when a mistake is made.  Lots of love and attention will also help.  These things are very important, but it is also important to model good self-esteem for your child.  Your actions and emotions make a big impression on your child, and if he or she sees that  mom has good self-esteem, your child is more likely to have high self-esteem too.

Another good thing about having healthy self-esteem as a parent is that you will be better able to enhance your child’s self-esteem.  If you have a lot of hang-ups about yourself, the time and energy that you are spending on them is not being put toward building your child’s self-image.  But if you feel good about yourself, you can better concentrate on making sure your child feels good about theirself.
How Can I Build My Self-Esteem?

If you’ve had self-esteem problems all your life, you might feel as though it is too late to work on it. But it is never too late. It’s simply a matter of changing your way of thinking.

When someone with bad self-esteem does something wrong, they often beat themselves up over it. A person may call themeselves an idiot (either out loud or to his or herself), and may feel that they can’t do anything right. If you find yourself doing this, step back and think about it for a minute. Everyone makes mistakes, and you have done lots of things right. One mistake is not so bad in the scheme of things.

It may help to write down some things that you’ve accomplished. Writing them will make them seem more concrete. And you’ll also have your list to look back on whenever you need a boost.

Doing something special for yourself is another good self-esteem booster. Taking the time to pamper yourself makes you feel good, and it sends your subconscious the message that you’re worthy of it. Doing things for others is good for your self-esteem, too. So why not volunteer for a non-profit, help a friend in need, or give something to charity.

Taking care of your own self-esteem is good for you and your child. It helps you be a better parent, and it sets a good example for your son or daughter. While it’s important to be concerned about your child’s self-esteem, it’s just as important to work on your own.

Baby Shower Decorations - set the scene for baby shower parties

Baby shower decorations make the ideal background for a baby shower party. Depending on the your time and allotted budget of the baby shower party, there are many ideas for baby shower decorations available. The host of the baby shower party can get lots of ideas for baby shower decorations that will certainly perk up the gathering.

Baby shower decorations can be as simple or as detailed as the host wishes. Baby shower decorations help make every baby shower party extra special for the mom-to-be. There are a number of ways to decorate a baby shower party. The possibilities for baby shower decorations are endless.

Arranging Baby Shower Decorations

When setting up baby shower decorations, the first thing to consider is the theme of the baby shower party. The theme of the baby shower party will have a direct affect on the type of baby shower decorations needed to liven up the party area. The baby shower party may have a traditional theme whereas baby shower decorations would include silver and china.

Since increasingly more baby shower parties are following modern themes that make use of popular cartoon characters. The baby shower decorations for this type of baby shower party are centered on the specific character used as theme. Many stores that specialize in baby shower decorations have a wide assortment of designs for baby shower decorations.

Some Ideas for Baby Shower Decorations

Baby shower decorations need not be big and costly. Creativity and imagination play a big part in the selection and arrangement of baby shower decorations. With a little ingenuity, putting together a baby shower party need not break the bank.

When setting up the area of the baby shower party, it is often best to stick to simple baby shower decorations that will not make the place look too flashy. Seasonal flowers and a number of party toys for baby shower decorations make for a modest yet cozy get together for a baby shower party among family and friends.

For a more fancy baby shower party, baby shower decorations will include a lot more than flowers and a few toys. But fortunately most of these items can be re-used for other occasions like a child’s birthday party. Or the host may give the baby shower decorations to the couple after the party as souvenirs or toys for the new baby.

Cheap Baby Shower Decorations

Balloons are a great way to perk up the scene of any party. Colorful balloons can be arranged together to create a central point at the tables of the baby shower party. In addition, to prevent the balloons from flying off, small baby items like baby bottles or soft plush toys can be tied at the end of the string.

Everyday, common baby items also make great baby shower decorations. A baby bath tub can be used as a punch bowl during the baby shower party. The tub may also be used as a receptacle to hold the different gifts given by guests for the mom-to-be. The tub may be decorated with ribbons and balloons to coincide with the theme of the party.

Umbrellas also make for intriguing baby shower decorations. These may be hung upside down from the ceiling with colorful streamers tied to the ends of the umbrellas.

Baby shower decorations can be created from simple items. Being resourceful is the key to creating extraordinary baby shower decorations that don’t cost too much.

Resource:

Baby Shower Decorations

 This Weeks Column March 3, 2008

A Mother’s Place

My fiancé asked me to marry him about a month ago.  When we were younger we had
a close friendship.  That has turned into a romantic relationship which evolved
into an engagement.  Before our engagement our relationship was difficult, but
definitely worth it.

When we were friends, his mother had no problem with me.  As our relationship
grew, she became involved with his everyday life.  When we had plans, she always
found something for him to do.  Though my fiancé denies it, she started poking
her nose into our relationship.

She tried to limit our time together with silly little requests like, “I want to
buy plants for the garden.  I don’t want to go alone.  Please can I come with
you?”  If that didn’t work, she would invite herself to our dinners or on our
day trips.  For the sake of my business I bought a house closer to where he
stays, a flat at his parents’ house.

As he spent more and more time at my house, his mother got more and more
demanding and meaner towards me.  She’s an angel to me when he is there, but an
absolute bitch when we are alone.  According to my hubby-to-be, everything his
mom does is done with good intentions.  How do I get her to let go?

Heloise

Heloise, there are lots of ways to dig a hole.  You can use a shovel or an
auger.  You can soften the ground with water or get a stronger person to do the
work.  But a hole isn’t going to resist.  Holes don’t call the police and report
a theft of dirt, or wail to the neighbors a horrible saga of abuse at your
hands.

People are different.  They retaliate.  Rappers insult each other in song, and
dis one another to the media.  One says, you’ve got no talent.  The other says,
there are 15 people in my entourage.  One says, I’ve got a gun.  The other says,
I’ve got a gun and two bodyguards.  Before you know it, pieces are pulled and
shots fired.

In many arguments there is no midpoint.  If you are willing to attribute bad
motives to your fiancé’s mother, why not attribute dirty fighting to her as
well?  Why hasn’t it happened?  Because his mom hasn’t had to pull out the big
guns yet.

Over a century ago William James spoke of the “psychologist’s fallacy.”  What he
meant was we think what is true of our mind is true of someone else’s.  You
believe a man should be free to live his own life.  She may think: he’s my son,
he came out of my body, he’s part of me, he extends my reach.

Young children fight over who gets to ride shotgun, that is, who gets to sit in
the front seat, passenger side, by the window.  His mom has been riding shotgun
in her son’s life, and she doesn’t want to give up her place.

This is how she’s lived.  She is wondering, what’s in it for me?  Your fiancé
hears her remarks as help and suggestions.  He doesn’t want to see his mother as
a problem.  If you press the point, he may think the problem is you.

Heloise, some people can take teasing, and others cannot.  Pro footballers play
hurt, while many people wince at the sight of a needle.  We all have different
thresholds.  You’ve reached the limit of what you can take, and you are not even
married.  If you think things are bad now, wait until children come along.

In the complaints we get from women about their mother-in-law, there is always
one key: the man.  If he wants you in the position of wife, things will work
out.  If he has an exaggerated view of his mom’s role in his life, no younger
woman will change his mind, much less change hers.

Wayne & Tamara

Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email:
DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.